‘Love and Choice’ – A radical approach to sex and relationships.

What, in your relationships, have you chosen? What would you choose if you felt able?

Most of us are brought up with a blueprint – an outline or even a plan – for our most important and intimate relationships. It can be more or less explicit, sent via parents, grandparents, teachers, the media, books, television or even the government’s tax policies, but the message we receive is simple:

The (gold) standard for a romantic relationship is one that is hetero­sexual, between two people, and monogamous.

But why is that the standard, and is it working for you, really?

Love and Choice presents a progressive, considered new perspective on how to bring choice into each part of your relationship. With care, wit and candour, Fry blends insightful psychological and philosophical ideas with case studies drawn from interviews with experts, real people, and experiences in her own life. Love and Choice gives readers everything they need to choose what, who, and how to love.


Fry captures the diversity of love experiences in a way I’ve seldom seen. This is more than just an important addition to the conscious non-monogamy literature - it encompasses diversities of singledom and soloness, conscious and unconscious monogamy, celibacies, sex work relationships, and more. A fantastic book that goes way beyond the simplistic messages of most other relationship books I've read.

Meg-John BarkerAuthor of Rewriting The Rules.